Malor

It has been a good but odd month.

My old project was completed in April, and I took the opportunity to take a few days off together with Lies. We spent the time doing fun stuff and checking out places we had never been, and that has been good for the both of us. I got my ducks in a row and besides the curse of any vacation (wanting to do a lot but also wanting to relax) it was a blast. On the personal front I have been re-balancing, and it is doing me good. Found things that work well for me to just let the daily stress slide off, which is especially nice considering the new job.

I also started a new project the 1st this month in Amsterdam, at the Academy of Sciences. It is an incredible workplace with layers of history that are beyond awesome. The team here is led properly, competent and seems to have things well in hand. My own assignment I am doubting about - I do not know if I can stay so mono-focused in this tiny a niche over the course of a single project, but I will have a chat with my employer. Also, while the view is beautiful, Amsterdam is not my favorite city, and the hour commute in public transport... takes getting used to. Had a good talk with my new HR-guy, tho, and that gives me a secure feeling.

My larping month saw a bit of a poor April. With Frontier moved and two specials cancelled I counted the days till I could get back on the horse with Charm, and boy, it did not disappoint. It was the first in a new series that did not involve the decades-old undead war plotline and featured a whole new 'part' of the world. I thoroughly enjoyed myself and the orga managed to balance the relatively few NPC's with the needs of fresh setting exposition, running a tight-but-never-stressful ship. The players are firmly entrenched in the new area they find themselves in, and the way of doing business there. Let the good times roll...

Helped a few friends with various computer-related issues, breaking my own record for building a computer from scratch up to a properly configured Win7 gaming image (4 hours and 26 minutes for two computers). Still got it.

The start of May saw the Frontier II larp, which was considerably better then the first one. The logistical issues had been resolved, and the out-character administration was smooth which facilitated a lot more game-time. We had far less combat then last time, which ensured that we saw a whole lot more of the world(s) of the Interplanetary Collective and our own factions. There were a few rough edges remaining, but those did not detract from the unique experience it was. Personally I am very happy about the new players that joined our faction - following a few of the basic guidelines we had used for our own outfits they all built their own unique-tho-in-style outfits, and that made for a wonderful sight: 20-ish people, some of which had never met with all of them having their own flair in regard to parent unit and profession but with similar style elements. I do hope that a few of the absent people will be able to make it next time, tho the new players regardless of faction were a joy to be around.

The next larp will be Omen, start of June. I am looking forward to it a great deal. Other then that, it looks to be a good month with plenty of fun stuff to do. Game on.

March has been considerably more bumpy then the laid back January and February with changing plans and new circumstances. I'd nestled in a happy nook for the first two months, but this month I needed to be more on my toes. It wasn't easy stepping back out in the world without losing the mental equilibrium I had found, but it worked and I feel more confident for it. I was especially happy to find out that I am perfectly able to support my friends when they need it. I worried for a moment, but appearantly for nought.
On a personal level I ran into a few barriers that I have scaled but slower then I would have liked to. My mind is torn between the slow-and-steady approach and the I-want-it-now desires that spring from putting this off way too long. I know why I put it off and that I had good if subconscious reasons for it, but all the reasonableness in the world isn't going to win vs. emotions. The road goes ever onwards. Friends, plans and whiskey help ;-)

The winter weather finally caught up to my car when a damaged road meant that my windshield was cracked - I am happy that I am fully insured against that kind of thing and it was taken care of without problems. The same day I heard that the Frontier larp had been moved, tho, and that kicked off a whole storm of replanning not to mention more then a few upset people (justified or otherwise). Luckily most of our group can make it to the replanned date, with only two 'maybe'. A special for Omen also required a lot of planning, but was finalized on a day where I was able to make the time. Having a banquet in the castle where 'Floris' was filmed (starring The Emperor) was just too good of a chance to pass up, especially with the alternate plans al looking wonky. Never you mind that I will be one of the few non-nobles... fun fun!

On the workfront my temporary position is being replaced with a permanent one here in Bodegraven, and I will move on to new projects. Currently spending the last few weeks supporting my collegue and prepping him as best I can while tackling some of the more resilient issues and longer-term maintainance plans. It was the job I needed when I needed it most, and I will leave it behind proudly. I am ready for more challenging stuff, tho. My next potential project is being lined up right now - they want me, but I just have to have a chat to see if it lines up with my own plans. Time will tell.

The new larp experience this month was Obscurus. It is a modern day alternate reality larp in the Netherlands that had its third installment this year (it is a once-a-year thing) in Castle Duurstede (Dorestad is a little like Hotel California for me at this point). Was asked to portray a specific supporting part for a friend and sprang at the opportunity, so I played Colonel Arno Valk, temporary Adjutant to General Middleton. The SL's did a magnificent job with props, plot and personalized briefing for every participant - the approach is similar to Dead Fox Junction, though on a much larger scale and with a smaller team (2 people with support from participants). Major kudos to them for pulling off a very intrige-heavy, influence-heavy larp. It has its rough edges, but it is as close as I can get to actually playing a Lex-esque larp myself, and I was grateful for the opportunity. Part four is coming up next year and will be a full weekend, so after some (turned out needless) doubting about continuing a 'support character' I've signed up. Also, I do like my uniforms...

Finished the Heart of the Swarm Campaign (which was cool), and survived the 'friendly fire' Rogue Trader session mostly intact though slightly on fire. Oh well. Attented what I hope will be a new tradition: 'movie night' at Jo & Ork's, watching movies with certain themes and a group of friends. First evening was "it's just a game" and was great, tho the Wild Hunt's last half hour doesn't get any less 'wtf'. March itself ended with two busy weeks where I had to make choices about what to attend and what to drop in regards to weekly evening plans. I am glad to made the choices, but they were not easy. Still, a potential new project and new evening courses are a big priority for me, so here is to the wise choice.

April sees the return of a little more larp for me. Charm was originally already planned, and with the Omen special added it makes for a decent month before a more larp-heavy May and June. It looks to be a quieter month in regards to work and plans, though I have enough to keep my mind occupied. Still, plenty of time to enjoy the sunshine when and if spring decides to come out of hibernation, and to make spontaneous plans with friends if the option comes up. Let the good times roll.

I woke up with birds singing this morning. It is even somewhat light when I get up, and tho I am not a morning person it is less 'hibernation' and more 'groggy hello sunshine'. Work is busy - boss has been sick the last two weeks so I've been running point for my collegues which presents its own fun-yet-busy challenges. There was and continues to be plenty of gaming to be had around here, with a full weekend of dungeon delving fun and regular sessions of more D&D, Rogue Trader & Shadowrun. The computer gaming department has been a bit slow, with some retro gaming, Space Marine and Mechwarrior Online. Starcraft II - Heart of the Swarm is coming up fast, but my brain is stamping 'too little, too late' on it - I find it too expensive and too late for the first expansion of a game from mid-2010. And I don't want to know how long we'll have to wait for Legacy of the Void...

On a personal level I am doing good. I have trouble with raising and lowering the 'shields' of the various aspects my personality, which sometimes means that I am more vulnerable to negative comments or happenings at work or with my friends but this is simply something I have to roll with. Finding out where my happy place is requires me to be brutally honest with myself and not assume anything based on previous experiences. Omnia Mutantur Hic Mutamur In Illis - all things change, and we change with them. Plenty of hanging with and talking to friends helps. It allows me to review things from varying perspectives and being able to help in turn does wonders for my self-esteem. Modding stuff, enabling others to get things done, typing and proofreading things... it keeps my brain busy with productive and creative endeavors. And sometimes you need to makes sure that people know that you are willing to listen. Also, new shinies make my disproportionally happy - whatever works right?

My niece is very, very cute. It'll be a while before I'll be taking her larping or read her the first Horus Heresy novel, but I am very happy for Kim & bro. A healthy, happy child in a loving family.

I needed some dire replanning on the larp front, leaving my first four months of the year even lighter in events then previously. I have thus far managed to keep the buzz going with a few projects, so I might take one or two extra. More time to prep equals better accesoiries, yes? ;-)

Winter is here, and plenty of snow is to be had for all. My mood is pretty light, and it is doing me good. Brainspace is clearing, talking a lot to friends and family and spending quality time with the girlfriends. Even getting myself some new clothes which are not strictly for either larp or work is quite wonderful. Took a first few steps into playing some more Vampire and had a wonderful night back in which the intrigue immediatly grabbed me. And it is always a wonderful bonus to play with peeps that I do not know yet. The yearly EE weekend rolled around and was its usual level of awesomeness and awesome plans, this year with added snowballfights and more Elder Gods. Woohoo! Doing research of Xenophobia is getting all the sparkplugs firing at full power, al though I had a moment of doubt when we spoke about the food plans - but while I would love a cooking challenge I really want to flex my SL muscles.

My main player larp time expenditure is coordinating ideas, groups and logistics for Frontier II by Chronos. While I am really feeling the buzz I am tempering my enthousiasm in regards to my previous experience. In retrospect I had some good times at Frontier I but most were a lot of running around, a lot of facilitating and taking a lot of in-character & out-character whining - all in between of extended bouts of combat with suicidal opponents which imho fit better in a fantasy larp ("The Mooks"). There may be in-character reasons behind their behaviour, but for lack of a better frame of reference: we are being zerged and yes, they have banelings. Most of the reason for all that has been addressed but we'll have to wait to see the mitigating effects.
My main fear is for "Omen - in Speeeeees" (Portal 2 reference) in regards to combat and 'pushy' plot so I hope fiercely for - believe it or not - less combat, at least near the main colony. If we have the space to recon, build our little world and ferret out the baddies while facilitating a well-run colony for other players to do their thing in, I will be happy. Be it clear, the SL's laid all the groundwork for a sci-fi larp that features elements of world building, cultural / political / intrige play and a well-thought-through background in the form of player guides whcih feature extensive moodbuilding. Better yet, I have never, ever seen a relatively young organization do that well in this regard. It just had not materialized to the extent that I hoped, and that is a worry that I have been carrying for a while. It recently re-emerged with a bunch of good friends also signed on to play a leadership-caste group of a 'rival' faction - I sincerely hope that they can find their place and jumpstart the political, diplomatic and intrige bit that I also really love. Here is to the best.

A lot of people are working hard to make it happen but unfortunately we're going to have to wait till April to find out. Did I mention I have control issues? ;-)

Oh, and to be clear, I LOVE Omen. I go there for my old school larp experience, fighting undead and goblins hour after bloody hour, flinging spells and taking names with my reaver daiklave and Jan's stabbing spear. I don't go there for the intelligent plot, deep roleplay, worldbuilding and sci-fi experience. It is a crapsac world where I'd really not want to live but love to visit for a few days just to push myself physically while having fun with friends. I built Arius for a different type of experience then Bertram, tho...

Next few weekends are filled with awesome activities and plenty of time for me, and that is really wonderful! Plenty of time for the new Skyrim expansion...

This month is clearly something I needed. It was a slow start to the year, and served as a very relaxed counterbalance to the overly full December. Lies started her new job, and so far it is looking pretty good - and I am feeling it. After a long time feeling constricted, mental space is clearing. It is almost as if I feel my brain speeding up again after being stuck in amber for too damned long. While it is too early to go "I'm back", it feels awesome.

Confronting the confused jumble that is my mindscape isn't easy, tho. It is not unlike sifting through a fallen bookcase - everything is out of the proper order, and I have to choose what to take and what to leave. But I am taking my time and seeing where it leads me - if I re-evaluate my sense of self I might as well be thorough, right? Down the Rabbit Hole it is...

Works is going well enough. Even with winter I can drive there easily enough, and I am supporting several minor projects. A replacement collegue is in the pipeline, freeing me up for next project. In that regard the job has given me the stability I needed at a time where a lot was in flux. For that I am very grateful. I have learned most of what I can learn here, tho, and I think I am ready for the next thing.

Gaming is going pretty well. Regular Warhammer matches for both the league and just for the heck of it dot my agenda, and I've built four variant armies that I mix and match - currently I am working on an army I have dubbed "The Grand Crusade" which consists of the Arch Lector on War Wagon as a general, and everything else mounted on horses. Massive blocks of Knightly Orders (including Reiksguard, Blazing Sun, White Wolf and Knights Panther), Demigryph Knights, Pistoliers and Outriders, with the only heroes I am allowing being Warrior Priests and the odd Witch Hunter. A minor variant sees a Knightly Order Grand Master taking the generalcy. It represents a force from the time of Emperor Magnus, so lacks any wizards - and I am considering dumping the Demigryphs as well and cycling in Inner Circle Knights instead. Should be interesting.
Shadowrun is gathering momentum, Rogue Trader is going nicely, and Pathfinder is picking back up its glacial pace (megadungeon being a _mega_ dungeon), temporarily leaving me as a player-only. I am currently re-reading the Pathfinder Kingmaker campaign and writing a bit on my own Alternity sci-fi campaign set in the pre-unification Verge. No timeframe yet, tho.

Larping will be slow in the Winter and Spring season. NPC'ed at Doodspoor, which was an enjoyable experience with a good mix between NPC's I know and new faces. Although I had to give my "Assault Team" a quick primer on how to fire nerf guns we were able to provide an interesting challenge and a good game of cat 'n mouse for the players. An actual nerf fight with only walking wounded, minimal shooting and the epitomy of movement warfare - we were constantly trying to outsmart each other. I like it. Had a good amount of other parts too and the mood in the NPC-room was chill. Snow was a bonus.
Beyond that I'll be minor things and one-offs until early April - exceptionally long for me to go without my fix. I might just drop in and do something random somewhere - there are a few interesting things but they unfortunately on the rare weekends where I already have plans. Oh well. Best use the extra time to prep a little extra...

Or: ding!

So. 32. This year I had to take a level in the 'Responsible Adult' prestige class, and I did not care for it one bit...

In many ways 2012 was a step back from 2011. Far less financial breathing room led to a lot of re-balancing to get those things that I really wanted to do in there. I had a lot to deal with workwise and that took simply too long. With Lies job-hunt simply not panning out I had quite a few low points. There was a lot of responsibility and it weighed very very heavily on me. It started looking up in October, though - it allowed me to patch up stuff a bit. But I am still not all there. I have quite a few thoughts and issues still to work out - none are critical, but there I many questions that I must find my own answers to and adjust my way of seeing and doing things accordingly. In a few places my more core values were compromised, and I will have to find a way to adapt. To paraphrase a certain movie (and hordes of self-help books): I must love me. I gotta figure out who I am, cause my previous 'idea of self' got sorely tested and was found... wanting.

My main focus this year was my health: through fitness and moving a lot more then last year I have rebuilt a lot of stamina. I feel it in my step and in my strength. Long story short, I kick ass. I have consistently out-classed, out-distanced and out-fought myself this year, and I am proud of that. My discipline got me through that one - I am happy with the results and I am going to switch it up with something else like walking, running or martial arts now that I am happy with how that is working. Work wise I landed in a good place where I at least can close the door behind me when the day is done - an easy commute and plenty of time allow me to have chill evening plans and the space to cook a proper meal most nights of the week. That simple routine is worth a lot, amazingly enough. The whole package is doing wonders for my health and making me feel good.

A lot of friends are settling, finding themselves and falling into a routine that they feel fits them like never before. Some of them made choices I did not expect - it has made me pause and consider my own course. So my main goal is unusually esoteric this year: find myself. Somewhere between the Space Marine and the ballerina, somewhere between the leader and the follower, somewhere between all the various versions of myself I gotta find my center - or at least close enough that I can build a place where I belong. Also, if around this time next year I am meditating the wonders of my rock garden on some tall mountain somewhere, kindly pick me up and talk some sense into me. I'm saving that for my mid-life crisis.

The Larping-Front
It was an interesting year, surely! Orga-wise it was a bit quiet with just Exit II, but a doozy THAT was. Meanwhile we planned, plotted, tweaked and brainstormed on that would become Xenophobia. I am happy with having another project under my belt - I was missing Lextalionis and Exodus something fierce because I am a builder - and with very little to really build I got restless. Xenophobia is purring along and we're currently thinking about what we want for a one-shot (cause we gotta keep that in there). EE weekend is in a little over a month, so we'll see. There are plenty of ideas...

Charm remains a rock-solid event to NPC at and will enter its next 'cycle' this year - a whole new story and a new ballgame. Looking forward to it already! I am considering finding another event to NPC at, though I haven't the foggiest yet. Could just see what strikes my fancy. Unity ended, and Sparks ended with it - spectaculary and explosively. Luckily we have been busy since last February to rebuild our unit concept to Chronos: Frontier. CMXCI is a whole new ballgame and Corporal Arius Numitor has his own set of challenges on the Eos Colony. The entire prepping process including beta test and (diving) special was very, very awesome - I still have to see where the dice will fall in regard to what type of larpexperience it will be but Arius will be properly equipped to handle it all - Aut Inveniam. Bertram is still alive and kicking, going on another special prolly before the next Omen. As a replacement for my lost main weapon Jan was kind enough to lend me his stabbing spear and I really got a taste of that - other that that I gotta see where Bertram's story leads. It is certainly going to include a lot of bloodshed. Drachenfest's Masuo will also return next year - that particular ball is still rolling very, very well. Junstal, my Cormyrian, will likely see some developments, too.

Financial and brainspace reasons stood between me and finding a replacement for Gino. I miss a character for which I have to shop so I really have to find something for that. Got a bunch of likely candidates, and going to keep an eye on it. Big, biiiiiiiiiig fail this year: very few one-shots. Need moar, peeps. Snap to it. Else we'll hold our own one-shot hostage till more peeps start organizing them! We mean it!

Plans for 2013
- Find self. Do not get lost on the way.
- Be happy.

Ladies and gentlemen, I will be celebrating my birthday on Sunday the 23rd of December, at my place. This will be your standard 'come by, I have pie' kind of affair and if you want to drop by, let me know.

The past few years I have let the day pass mostly unmarked, but an insistent family / girlfriend plus some space in my agenda have convinced me to give this shindig thing a go. If you can't make it please do not worry. December is extremely busy for all of us and it is that one month of the year we introverts can't escape the world all the time. In that case, feel free to poke me somewhere else in the months to come, combined with a Warhammer match, getgogether, planning/plottingmeet or whatnot.

It was an emotional day yesterday at the burial. My uncle was the oldest relative, and had been having problems with his health for a while, including several surgeries over the last year. It was not unexpected, but no less sad. He was a good and simple man. I here and there envy him for the way he lived his life, but my path is a different one. My uncle was lain to rest next to my aunt, who died in 1999. I was good to see my family again, tho I would have preferred it over the traditional Sinterklaas we always do december 5th for as long as I can remember.

Near the grave of my aunt and uncle is the coolest grave, ever - in between of rows of white and grey stone is a see-through headstone with a single, brilliantly coloured image. If you ever walk on Waalhoven you can't miss it - it is right at the start, and really stands out. It is the grave of one of my classmates. He was also called Sander and after graduating he we both went to the same school to get the same ICT education. He was a bit of a man's man, but we both shared a passion for computer generated graphics so we talked about that a lot. He made the image that is decorating his headstone himself, though it was never planned as such. On a cold day his car got into a spin on a patch of ice and flew off the road. End of line.

It made an impression. I was a serious student. Got through school with hard work and few social engagements. While I did hang with classmates I did not have much of a social life and that suited me just fine. I played Warhammer a lot and that was pretty much it. I had some vagually defined future plans that involved a university degree and a good job, but not much more that that. But that day I made a conscious choice to life.

There are many paths through life, and choosing one does not invalidate others. Over the years I'd seen many friends, nephews, nieces and others choose theirs or simply sailing through life in their own way. Some have chosen business life, others family, others became ex-pats. But I made this choice. Work to life, spend my free time on hobbies and friends. Do it responsibly, yes, but life first. Have space to spend on passions. That is not to say that it had been easy these last few years. Such a choice has consequences. I've tried to keep making responsible choices, and those logical choices have at one point or another made it difficult on me, too. It is not an effortless road, and sometimes I wish I had more flexibility. But by and large, I can live with it.

It is not so much 'life today, for tomorrow you may be dead', but 'if your life flashes before your eyes, be sure it is worth seeing again'.

Anyway. So here is some free insight (tm). Don't spend it all in one place.

Bold Venture station, just before the end.

The last days and hours were hard on them all. End-to-end missions, artifact retrieval, navigating the Garretson through the dwindling remnants of the universe. Tests for being creators were had and passed, and to his surprise Sparks... felt... things. Working together with all their fellow inhabitants and sharing their final moments started to mean something. And they managed it all - successfully completing every mission. And now it was time for the end.

( ApocalypseCollapse )

Let there be Light.

From the completely off-the-record and unofficial notes of one Corporal Arius Numitor
Eos Castellum, ca 239.

As the Dugo put it, what a clusturu-fuku.

Mission Fundamentum Calidus, aka Mission Dangle-your-ass-over-the-edge-and-see-what-takes-a-bite is an utter and complete misella landica. Which ever Res Civitas put this package together deserves to ride ceves over the nearest iactavolans. Uninhabited my ass. High security rating my ass. 'Reinforce local garrison' my ass. The first wave of colonists are al dead, the whole area is a tactical nightmare being infested with well-armed terrorists and the whole Mair-forsaken place is fuccin' haunted. About half the colonists are crap-sack useless in a fight, though they at least give it all they got defending the place. The actual colony is 2 mins of stiff run away from the gate, leaving a wonderfull gap in our defences you can steer a full platoon of Militia Colonialis through. If we HAD a Militia Colonialis.

Tribesmen, sure. Hostile tribesmen, sure. But who give them military grade hardware? Sure, the stuff is four decades out of date, but we build shit to last - a 7.62 caseless slug from an old assualt rifle will still pretty futa kill you stone dead after sitting a century in storage. This aint just shit they looted from dead colonists, the crisa bastards were ready for us. I don't mind putting the hurt on locals, but war is more fun if you are on the offensive instead of waiting for the barbarians to come and visit the colony itself. At last count, we killed at least 77 of the frackers, but that has not dimmed their enthousiasm for attacking - they just throw more grenades and send suicide bombers. Wonderful.

And Praetor is suddenly the boss of the colony, cause Aquila are supposed to be running things and command-brass didn't show up. That's right, you are in non-comm territory now, futa! Mair knows that generals can't live without a climate controlled command center and limitless frappacino's, so I aint expecting any command brass any time soon. Normally I'd break open a case of twelve year old whiskey over that and celebrate, but we have a duty to not only protect but also govern the colonists. Preator managed to get some kind of colonial infrastructure going between the run-and-gun parties with the locals, but damned did it suck. I can't recall actually having to pull guard duty, let alone two consecutive shifts. Oh, and I got tea for the diplomats, which turns out to be pretty futa difficult which the crap-sack colony infrastruture. Needed all the 1.2 million Sonure needed to train me to get that done.

Did I mention the place is haunted? I'd complain more about it, but my own haunting - a few army buddies playing a game of Blitz with me - was probably my single most relaxing experience on Eos this far. Cept the ending. That kinda blew, fainting and all. How undignified. At least I didn't shoot anyone.

The colonists themselves are pulling the weight, though. Glad we have the Ekanesh to back us up. And even the futatrix representative of the Pendzal is putting the hurt on and it is scary how well we mesh with the Dugo in a good fight.

Same can't be said for the crisa Interplanetary Collective representatives - bunch of whining craptarts dump a bunch of colonists alone and unsupported on some dirt-rock like we're futa canaries. We had to expend a significant amount of resources reinforcing the colony and they start beancounting cause we aint producing. Only time command-brass showed up was to shout down on us fucking things up after we fucking saved the colonists taking grenades to the face. Next time you go ceves your pulchre over the edge, sir. More frappacino?

Mentula.