Log in

Sun, Apr. 2nd, 2017, 12:56 am

From the completely off-the-record and unofficial notes of Sergeant Arius Numitor

Bastion Eos, 2nd of february 240

The Look.

The mission 'Thunderstruck' was running into difficulties, chewing through successive waves of suicide bombers and psychic horrors - but the Legio Venatores CMXCI had strict orders: we were to hold in reserve. It made good strategic sense, and it is not that we're not useful at the Bastion - we are all cross-trained in casevac, medevac, recovery and triage procedures which proved quite handy as shuttle after shuttle started returning with injured combattants. But as the call for reinforcements came in from the notoriously unshakable Animar Subal of the 808th...

We all got the Look.

The Look that said 'Cut us loose. Let us go. This is what we do. Cut us loose'. The Lieutenant kept a tight rein on things, but she had seen it in all of us - she is good like that. The Look even got into Admiral Galerius' eyes - retired or not, a lifetime of service to the Republic is not so easily put aside. A nervous energy started building and it was the retiree that finally broke the tension as he turned to us. "Get Dressed!" he barked, followed by a simple nod from Lt. Sevso. "Yes, Sir!" we replied, as we ran to the barracks. We crammed five minutes worth of prep in two, got into our Venatores gasmask standby kits and crammed into the shuttle with whoever was ready.

SC-01 Louisa, our reliable little Vesta, was wheezing and tired after her twenty-second sortie that day - the interior smelled like cordite and blood which only heightened our sense of urgency. Lieutenant Sevso handed me my spare ammo drums that I did not even remember giving to her, and I saw the Look in her, too. If she could she’d grab one of the spare rifles now and join us on the field. But she had her own duties and slammed closed the hatch. A quick double knock indicated that she’d secured the hangar door and Louisa roared back into the night sky. Only at that point we noticed the pooling blood under the pilot seat - Specialist Juno Valeria had flown multiple sorties with just basic triage after what looked like a through-and-through gunshot to the leg. Nothing to be done about it now, tho. All our pilots were in the fight, on the board or in the medbay - and we'd have to make due.

We came down hard and disembarked in a rapid two-by-two line - as soon as we were out the hatch closed behind us. The landing field was eerily silent as the roar of the VTOL echoed away, but our feet were crunching through shell casings and spent clips - definitely the right place. We fell into our well-trained routine with Victus leading the strike - for all my own seniority it was in this kind of environment where my brother thrived, and we could not afford any fuckups. He ordered a wide advance and moved towards the target structure, where we saw what remained of one of the 808th: young Akizuki had regained his honor by falling in combat. There was little we could do for him, and we moved on as gunfire picked up on the other side of the structure - we had been spotted.

My own group held the corner while Victus and Cass swept around - a few of the Ecoform soldiers who were pre-occupied by us fell seconds later - they never saw the push from the other side. The last one realized his position and rushed Caelius. We poored fire into him and he detonated just short of Caelius' position, knocking him down. We secured the flank and I got my brother back on his feet. Then the door of the target compound burst open and the team we were here to rescue poured out, being pursued. We gunned the baddies down, and a moment's confusion came over them until Cass simply remarked "Don't worry, loves. Cavalry's here". The relief on some of the faces was telling, but the mission was not over yet - we still had to get back and there was no way we could squeeze all of us into fewer than three shuttle-rides.

We herded them back to the landing field - unsurprisingly they had a lot of wounded and were carrying a salvaged generator. Adrenaline was up, and it took some shouting by Victus and Cass to get them moving into the shuttle - the wounded were casevaced first. Minutes later Louisa returned and the generator plus the rest of the Thunderstruck team followed. And there it was just us, waiting for the last shuttle out. We quickly took stock of the situation. My own team had only expended a few rounds while making the push, and all reported ready to go, spreading in a reinforced half-square formation around the landing field. With us were Marcus, Armond, Maati and Lazar. I was pretty sure about Marcus Wakefield, Corporal Armond Vincere and Baguhan Maati Infor Dannam - the first was a Legion trauma-specialist who had survived in this warzone as long as any of us, the second a career soldier from the Sturnus anti-terrorism taskforce and the third an veteran of the Imperial 808th 'Gubat Bantay'. The unknown factor was Lazar Varnava, nominally a merc from the Pendzal DZ-3 - but his normal loudmouth swagger was absent. He was scanning the forest’s edge with a professional detachment and a loaded weapon. It would have to do.

Then the entire landing field fell quiet as if nature herself was holding her breath - the enemy was coming. Victus quickly instructed all to fall back to the shuttle upon the ‘rally’ command, and we prepared to defend ourselves. Twice they tried to attack and flank us. Twice they were repulsed. All were calm, collected and composed - holding their quarter and carefully screening those left and right of them from enemy attempts to break into the landing field. I saw some flickers of shield generators taking hits, but otherwise we simply stale-mated the enemy and bought the time we needed. I myself took a hit to my field with some sort of fragmentation round - it broke apart on impact and shrapnel clipped the side of my head - for a moment I was worried how pissed the medical staff would be that I had taken a second headwound today.

“Rally, rally!”

The shuttle touched down almost gracefully, and we fell back in good order, laying down covering fire as we went. A quick headcount confirmed we’d all made it. Kat sat alone in the cockpit - apparently she had convinced Specialist Valeria to seek medical help at one point. But I was not worried - I was one of the few Aquila that knew of her part as one of the avenging angels of Nadz, flying bomber sorties against the enemy. Cass quickly took the co-pilot station and between the both of them had pretty much the most experienced shuttle crew we could ask for. SC-01 Louisa quickly gained altitude and got us to safety. “You okay back there...!?”, came Kat’s voice, and we confirmed we were all good to go. “Great, I got some good music for this.”

As an old pre-war protest song sounded throughout the shuttle we finally relaxed - Specialist Acilia quickly checked us on wounds but except for minor scrapes and my headwound we were all okay. Smiles were all around, including Maati and Lazar. And something one of our instructors had said during recovery training came to mind: “The Venatores do not make their hard decisions and necessary sacrifices with callous detachment, but neither do they let tears blind them to the greater purpose they pursue.”

This is what the ICC was all about. An Imperial officer had requested reinforcements, a Legion mission team had compacted with who-ever was available to exfiltrate them and they were flown being flow out by an Independant pilot. We had done the right thing, and we'd pulled it off. We all felt it, an honest pride-by-associaton. Finally the Look faded from our eyes.

This is our place. This is our mission. A mission that is shared among all factions - this proved that when push comes to shove Humanity stands together on Eos as one. I don't feel quite so lonely, anymore.

Sat, Feb. 18th, 2017, 05:50 pm

From the completely off-the-record and unofficial notes of Sergeant Arius Numitor

Bastion Eos, 25th of January, Year 240

It has been a rough day. Finally had some kind of talk with one of the shits that took our blood, and there is just no sense of responsibility there. I just hate that they can't police their own people, and I just know that if the Conclave needs to take action it is going to be all 'everybody is against us, boohoo' again. No sense of consequences, of loyalty, of dignity, of team spirit. Like we don't even live on the same planet. It bothers me beyond the facts of the matter, and I finally figured out why.

I am trained to think alike. Everything is so standardized amongst the Legiones Aquila that you can function without thinking. If I ever needed night vision goggles, somebody could throw me their bag, and I’d know exactly what pocket to find them in. We were like cogs in a wheel. And that may sound like a bad thing — but it’s not.

Nobody wants to think of themselves as cogs in a wheel, but it is human nature that we love structure. Our behavior is predictive. All of us tend to be in the same place, at the same time, every single day. This tendency is just accelerated in the Legion. And it feels good. It feels good to know your place. It feels good to wear the same uniform. It feels good to know exactly what you’re contributing to the mission, to the team, and to the Republic as a whole. Your value is so clear.

But on Eos the lines are blurred. It's hard to discover that value. You’re not sure where you fit. You’re not sure how you connect to other people. You’re not sure how to make a difference. It is hard to relate to other factions. It can be very isolating. And all you want to do is just to be back in the Legion, with my team, out on our own, being of value to the Republic.

Don't get me wrong, I believe in the mission. But some days are harder then others.

Mon, Apr. 4th, 2016, 01:33 am
Personal log cont.

From the completely off-the-record and unofficial notes of Sergeant Arius Numitor

Bastion Eos, 12th of January, Year 240

Abominable. That is what he'd called it.

Captain Whats-His-Name may have been an rear-echelon twat, but he'd been right about this particular point. Weapon maintainance had suffered in a last few weeks, and their combat effectiveness had degraded accordingly. These were mostly second-tier weapons after all. Spares they'd saved or salvaged in the past week during the evacuation of Eos Castellum and the recovery of the Ecoform Alpha Base (now called Bastion Eos).

It wasn't that it was unexpected. The Governor has managed to wreck another bolt sled, Victus had his usual flora-related jams, the Lt. has a persistent discharge failure in one of her two Conatio's he had not been able to correct. Even his own Praecursator had failed - an internal ammo explosion had rendered the gun internals a tangled mess. Quintus and Cass' Primitus Combat Shotguns were still in the fight, tho - perhaps there was something to the commercials about its supposed indestructibility. All of their primary weapons were still in fighting condition, but if any of those broke it would mean an immediate reduction of firepower on the line.

Time was the issue. His promotion had come through, but that also meant that with Gnaeus still out on WMD-hunt he was now the Governor's Executive Officer. With this new swanky base to whip into shape that meant a lot of work, a lot of organizing and a lot of civilian management. He did not have to do it alone, mind you, but coordinating it all took a lot of time. His toolbox was still in the corner of the barracks he'd put it over a week ago. And the maintainance suffered.

The one evening of downtime had been good, tho. Time to relax a bit, kick back with his squaddies, his fellow legionairs and whatever other colonists felt like hanging with in their precious spare time. There were good talks, good laughs and some accidental weapon discharges. Nothing that could not be fixed with some plaster and a stern talk later. Nothing that could not be fixed now by the supply of alcohol that the Lt. had 'liberated' from Ecoforms personal stash. And nothing that could not be made better by requisitioning Colonel Cicero's personal Mochachino maker.

For much the same reason he liked the fact that he'd been able to fly the shuttle with Kat and Cass. It was a personal moment, something that was just Arius' time, and not part of the professional life of Sergeant Arius Numitor. Much like a talk in the barracks with his squad about a personal matter. He had faith in them all - griping aside, when push came to shove he had a good team. A trusted team. A team that could give the aliens a run for their money. And the way that it was all shaping up, they'd soon have ample opportunity to prove that for all the universe.

But first, weapon maintainance.

Thu, Sep. 18th, 2014, 02:55 pm
Personal log

From the completely off-the-record and unofficial notes of Corporal Arius Numitor

Viridis low-orbit, 28th of November, Year 239 (New Count)

Large public parks, wide open-plan cities, deep blue inland seas and massive stretches of bright green nature preserves. That is how Viridis looked from above, belying the title "Fortress World" that made many foreigners think of a grey concrete box loaded to the brim with weapons and soldiers. Of course, looking like a pleasant and open planet was the plan all along. Arius Numitor had heard a slightly tipsy Captain from the Panopticon describe it as: "Surprise! That large, flat, poorly defended tundra conveniently located near a number of major metropolitan areas is actually the heart of a large, dense, and heavily armed bunker system!"

Of course, now that Lira was piloting the brand-new two-seater Origin Jumpworks M50 out of the atmosphere the massive orbital plates became visible, bristling with capital level weaponry. Legion clearance codes allowed them to fly this close to the military orbitals, and the rows upon rows of ships birthed on their protected underside were a beautiful sight. She gunned the engines and flew closer to the ship docks, drawing a series of disturbed hails from shuttle pilots and maintenance lighters, and navigated between the massive struts that held destroyers, frigates and cruisers in place as they were being loaded or repaired.

The transponder kept beeping insistently. Probably the owner of the M50 trying to find out where his prize ship had gone. He should not have left it in a seemingly abandoned and dilapidated industrial hangar with the canopy open. Lira and Arius had only the one day of liberty on Viridis and decided to go urban exploring near one of the older spaceports when they had found it. And decided to take it for a spin.

Besides, there wasn't really an 'owner' to begin with. Arius recognized spoofed ID codes when he saw them. They should fly it back to the manufacturer, and perhaps cash themselves a nice little recovery fee. Also, CMXCI was officially not on Viridis, so Arius and Lira were not here and could not have possibly 'borrowed' a ship from 200 light years away. Plausible fracking deniability. Gotta love the military.

They would return to Eos tomorrow, but today they were free to enjoy all the perks a core world could offer while the Sergeant-Major was being debriefed at the Panopticon. Now, if he could just convince Lira to give him a spin at the controls. Or stop smirking quite so much at near misses as she jinked through onrushing orbital traffic...

Sat, Aug. 9th, 2014, 01:59 pm
Drachenfest 2014 - I left a bit of my soul on that mountain.

It was good.

The group this year was leaner due to a staggering amount of real life (tho most of it of the good kind) but we managed a good camp. We all pitched in, did our thing, and had plenty space besides (tho the pool may have been too big ;-) ). And with a good logistical base, the fun can really start. Also, It is nice to simply be part of a group without being a core component of it.

As Yoshida Masuo, Hatamoto of our Daimyo I am mostly found at his side (bodyguard, basically), so I simply enjoyed the walking, diplomacy and sights of the Dragon World, with parties, training with the fighters guild and reconnecting with a lot of familiar faces. It were a few good days including a good night of diplomacy in the Silver Camp and a visit to the Green for a picknick, and the Red for a good fight. Learned Go. Picked up some Shogi. Read the Hagakure this year instead of The Art of War.

And again, on top of the mountain, I found the Void and embraced it. During the final battle on top of the mountain I entered my state of no-mind. It is a state where all that I am is folded into one moment: the present. With nothing to think about in the past or in the future. Every step I took clicked into place with every next step, every action a consequence of the previous one. Even though our army was outnumbered and would last no more then ten more minutes I tore my way through two weak spots before being cornered and then politely requested to withdraw by my opponents. I politely acquiesced. They even returned my hat, which I had lost. Somewhere. I can't recall. It is rather addictive. I reach it primitive and unpracticed, but I might consider trying to develop it better. Time will tell.

The end result is an afterlarp dip which is... fierce. It has been a while since something sucked me in so well. It has given me perspective. It was especially good to see Mike and Mark, who both in their own ways embraced the chance to do their thing so well - both for different reasons I think, but there was a beauty in the way they enjoyed themselves. And I think pretty much everyone went for that, tho I saw it most pronounced in those two.

It is good to have a week afterwards to chill with Lies, in which we have seen movies, been to themeparks and almost slew a Venom Cult (next time, snakes, next time!). I am descending slowly and expect to click back into my rhythm after the weekend.

And for some parting wisdom: "If you are caught unprepared by a sudden rainstorm, you should not run foolishly down the road or hide under the eves of houses. You are going to get soaked either way. Accept that from the beginning and go on your way. This way you will not be distressed by a little rain. Apply this lesson to everything."

Fri, May. 30th, 2014, 12:33 am
Personal Log

From the completely off-the-record and unofficial notes of Corporal Arius Numitor

Eos Castellum, 22nd of November, Year 239 (New Count)

Vague secret mission. Go 'there'. Pick up shuttle. Go to another 'there'. Civilian rendez-vous. Await further instructions. No support. Expect combat. In other words, dangle-your-ass-over-the-edge-and-see-what-takes-a-bite. Again. Fuck that.

But mission prep at least kept him busy. New ammunition, fresh clips, and new weapons. For Victus he had the new Velox-pattern assault rifle, just in time for some after-market modifications. For Castiel he had built a Primitus-pattern similar to the weapon with which Quintus had taken out a 'Stalker-class Living Tank' (blessed as it was by the Ekanesh Prisci). Castiel had also requested two side-arms, a standard Praecursor which he still had in storage, but also a new Spiculum-pattern hand cannon adapted for Frag-12 shells. In case she felt like some tank-hunting, he imagined. All of their weapons were modified for the conditions they'd come to expect on Eos, with a little more range and a whole lot more stopping power to put down the Kadu (suicidal maniacs hell-bent on close combat).

There were also the two new pistols. Pioneered by urban suppression squads they gave a shooter the firepower of a machinegun but small and stable enough to hold in one hand. It had a low clip size and was hard to reload in combat but could lay down a hail of fire you wouldn't believe, and that without any internal power source. And the other hand was left free for a shield or close combat weapon. They were still being field-tested, but Arius managed to get two assigned to Eos. Tiberius would test one, and the other would be rotated through-out the unit. Whatever survived Tiberius was good enough for him.

He'd als refurbished a few of their older weapons - weapons that were technically decommissioned but would only need a little care and attention to be battlefield-ready. Bringing plenty of spare weapons on any 'no support' mission was at least as important as bringing plenty of the right ammo. Now to improvise a quick-release so he could serve as "spare weapons cache" while maintaining suppressive fire, and perhaps add a carrying sling to the Arvus shuttle-door he was considering pressing into service as a combat shield.

And there was the tedious stuff. Check all the batteries. Recharge them. Check all the batteries again. Brass-check all the weapons. Spring-check all the clips. Run a full diagnostic on all the comm-systems. Run a full diagnostic on the suit shield systems and InterLink hookups, especially with Quintus' recent "new and interesting modifications" for the Asperi 3C Network.

The entire unit had already spent a day-and-a-half getting ready for this little excursion, which was probably longer then the actual mission was going to last. Such was the order of things. And at least he was glad to re-furbish the Sarge's old Gravus-pattern Light Machine Gun. He'd be leading them, and that cheered him up like no tomorrow. A mission with the team might be just what he'd need to cheer him up.

"Axios", he muttered, and got on with the prep.

Fri, May. 23rd, 2014, 09:26 pm
Dutch Larp Platform - building a community

After KP 2012 a few Dutch attendees came together and started a series of chill, informal meets between larp organizers under the banner of the Dutch Larp Platform. Held in the Dutch Game Garden in Utrecht, a gaming resource that has already been used often by local gaming outlets who are very supportive of any kind of gaming community, they have been - in my opinion - a success that is spectacular in its tiny scope.

Let me explain.

I have no idea of it is a unique or common situation, but we know of at least two previous attempts to do the same that have failed because of the intent or perception (as we only heard from it after the fact) to formalize a set of mandatory weapon safety and/or quality rules. Larper organizers being larpers, most of them said 'screw this' and the initiative bled to death. Whether or not that would have been a good thing I will just leave for a discussion between people that were actually there, but it did result in a lot of little 'larp islands' barely knowing of each other's existance.
What did not help is that there as some kind of fierce 'competition' boom around the launch of the Lord of the Rings movies between 7 to 10 years ago. I have no idea whether or not it had any merit (was still very much a junior back then) but it soured relations between clubs, groups and larpers. Going to multiple larps back then was sometimes an exercise in cautious diplomacy.

There are a still lot of differences in the Dutch larp world, but a lot of the organizers of today who came through that competition 'battle' have adopted a 'live and let live' attitude, which has now been leveraged into contacts between several larp groups that freely exchange information, manpower, (digital) props and resources. This is a wonderful thing, but as nothing is really written down in any kind of searchable format it stays local. You have to know the right people

So this time the meetings are being leveraged as a knowledge network, intent on providing a platform for sharing and discussion without 'needing' anything. There are many larpers and many larps, and we can learn from common differences. It is a wonderful start. If anything, it may actually be a little 'too soft' this time, as people are moving cautiously to make any statement or decision that might exclude others.

As we move from the starting-up phase to the building-phase I am quietly hopeful. For me, the ability to discuss cool ideas and exchange information with others is the core of what the out-character bit of the hobby is all about. Especially with an Edu-larp group in the same city that is making some very nice inroads with the Dutch Ministry of Education - Yes, members of Parlement have been spotted with foam swords.

If you are a larper in the Netherlands, and feel like hearing about larp-design, organizing and what your fellow larpers are up to? Sign up for the mailing list: http://dutchlarpplatform.us7.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=cfe99f4f6c661e8e6568dda6d&id=1f42dbf134

Wed, Feb. 12th, 2014, 11:42 am
Could be worse

Almost. I think that is the single word that defines the start of 2014.

While not bad perse, a lot of my efforts tend to end up on the 'good enough' pile instead of the 'just right' pile, and it is wearing on me. I am used to the luxury that if I put my mind to something stuff starts rolling and generally improves for all involved. Lately this has been only marginally so.

Work is proceeding apace, but I have realized that the actual technical challenge is gone. I find my joy in the overall process and not the nitty gritty of figuring stuff out. It represents a change, and an internal shift in priorities. I don't know what to do with it yet, but I have communicated it to my collegues and HR reps. Their advice has so far been useful and I hope to start seeing results in a few weeks.

Larp experiences have been a bit mjeh. It is the 'long dark' of winter, and there are few things to do at the moment with existing characters - some things were moved, some stuff is still in the planning stages with endless suggested and counter-suggested dates. After all was said and done my first player experience with one of my 'mains' will be in April - which is simply too fracking late.
If I had realized that earlier I would've see if I could've picked something up, but early Januari it still looked like February would see at least one special, potentially two. That'll teach me for keeping stuff into account. There is a failure in communication here and there, but I feel that I have reached the limit of what I can reasonably be expected to do as 'just another participant' in order to get things on the road. For me to start doing more will likely be deemed unwelcome at best and treated as hostile at worst.
Some of the stuff I've been working on in the background has tipped the 'work' needed to keep a character up and running from 'totally worth it' to 'I will start doing stuff again when I have a confirmed date'. This is severally impacted one of my favorite timesink passtimes. I miss the click of limitless brainstorming and just letting our imagination run wild, and I miss just being able to have that good clean fun with my friends. I just can't justify spending the amount of time that I would like right now, especially as results are middling at best. End of the month will luckily see Doodspoor, where I am an NPC and I should see loads of friends there. I need it. Too much crap throwing up interference right now to properly enjoy it. Thank Caine for Nocturne which keeps my larp-muscles from growing too stale...

Tabletop is still going awesome. I've got no complaining about that unless Karrad Vall blows up our ship or my own players decide to play a game of Thermo Nuclear War... I am surprisingly happy with my 'vote with your wallet' policy in regards to computer games and Games Workshop products. You can rant about not agreeing with business decisions, or you can vote with your wallet. Lots more relaxing and more money for other shinies ;-)

The personal plan for the year, both for me as for Lies & moi as a couple will need to change. There was a plan, and now we'll need a new one. We'll make it work, prolly - but it is less then ideal. We have done what we could and the rest is in the hands of others. Here's to some luck. While I have been able to re-build my food discipline I find that it takes a disproportionate amount of brainspace to start building a healthier me. Already starting with a less of my usual chipper self is making it so much harder to keep going.

All of this combined makes me a bit of a mjeh panda. Wouldn't call it sad. I've got it pretty good and I should keep that foremost in my mind. It is simply that those things that I consider emotionally important to me are all firmly entrenched in the 'less then ideal' category. Most of this is noticable is that I am mostly retro-gaming, and then mostly single player. After my day I find that talking to people about stuff that I am not looking forward to is taxing beyond belief.

Things will look up. Its just a bit of a pit right now. I'll dig myself out giving some time and some fun stuff. Barring that, I believe a few people at Doodspoor feel like some decent nerf skirmishing.

Wed, Dec. 18th, 2013, 11:58 am
... And He Had A Plan ....

My 33rd cycle on this little green planet started in-character, probably around the time our Clan was trying to prevent the previous King from coming back undead. Go figure.

2013 was going to be my year. After a singularly sucky 2012 I started this year with a two clear objectives:

- Find self. Do not get lost on the way.
- Be happy.

I am happy to say: mission accomplished.

Overall, this was the year of less stress, more sleep and more space for me. While it wasn't always easy to stick to 'The Plan' - which entails a multi-tiered way of spacing appointments and fun stuff in such a way that I can also choose to be spontaneous and can do something that I want within a reasonable timeframe instead of having to schedule a meet with friends somewhere in the next quarter. This has resulted in me being able to do a lot of 'just in time' meets if I or someone else wanted to hang, talk, game or something. This increased 'buddy' time has done me a world of good and my friends have well and truly come through for me this year.
In regards to work I am managing it better, being able to put the day behind me when it is done and asserting less control. I try to grab bitesize bits that I can control, accepting what lies beyond it with an open mind. I am going to try to make a few careermoves this year as well - I think it is time to find something that is a little different to make sure my job keeps my interest.

The 'I must love me' thing is still hard. My greatest enemy has been the remnants of my previous self-image, haunting me left or right with "you should do this or that" and occasionally with a horrified "nooooooo!" at a few of my decisions. But I am more at peace with myself then I was, and I hope to continue the upward trend.

So, having 'found' myself, where do I fit in? As I put it last year:

Somewhere between the Space Marine and the ballerina, somewhere between the leader and the follower, somewhere between all the various versions of myself I gotta find my center - or at least close enough that I can build a place where I belong.

The surprising (at least to me) answer is that I don't have to choose. I am the Space Marine and the ballerina. The leader and the follower. I am me, in all its myriad forms. I have a bit more diversity inside me that I thought I had, and I am finding ways to leverage that realisation to practical ends.

While my physical health has been much less of a thing this year, less stress in combination with discipline paid off this year quite unexpectedly by dumping my weight into the green. I was pretty surprised. I have allowed myself some space to up and down a bit as things got busy and Lies was approaching winterdip, but I find that I have an easier time accepting it, and I expect to stabilize well in the green BMI zone somewhere halfway 2014.

So. What is next? Well, the search continues, but in a more practical sense. More of finding myself, but also settling into a new routine that fits my new paradigms better. There is still a chance that I may get lost on the way, but that thought doesn't bother me any longer. Sometimes it is how it is, and sometimes it isn't how it isn't.

An unusually quiet year for me, including a summer vacation devoid of any for of larp at all. First time in a decade that happened. I know why it was needed, but it is one of those necessary sacrifices that I do not intend to repeat. It will be more of a priority for me this year - I just love it too much.

Doodspoor saw me NPC'ing in the snow. I was pretty impressed with their new way of handling things, being able to balance resources between -effectively- two larps as the groups split along a 'Real World vs. Dream World' axis. I look forward to the next one, early next year. Tho I hope that I won't have to go arctic camo for it ;-)
Charm has been awesome - much more of a shades-of-grey pirate theme then the previous good-vs-evil cycle, which does work well for me. The second event especially this year saw me playing one of the pirate captains and I think I gave the players plenty to think about. I look forward to the plans the story writers.
Bertram has seen a big shift this year, and this year somehow feels somewhat final for him. The war is starting to wear heavily on his soul, and there are things in the future that may cause him to depart the front lines to settle down. We'll have to see how the dice will fall, but I have started to divvy up the task among subordinates and training a replacement - tho I don't know if they have noticed that yet.
Chronos: Frontier has made big steps forward this year after a rocky first event. While I still regard the rules as a mixed bag a lot of work and love has gone into polishing it up, resulting in a solid third event and the brave decision to switch to a once-a-year format with more plot and group specific special events in between. While the ending of this event left me a bit 'in medias res' in regards to the fate of a member of the group it is in my opinion growing into a very solid setting which adds a good deal of Omen-esque mysticism to a sci-fi feel.
Masuo and Junstal have been effectively on hold this year due to planning issues and priorities. I hate that it has to happen, but as stated: priorities. And sometimes that sucks.

Xenophobia had its first episode, and I am happy with the way it worked - it is the first campaign with the lighter rulesystem we are using and it has its rough edges, but the story of the brave survivors is one that will get pretty interesting, me thinks - and we have a few reinforcements with fresh ideas to help us set up the next event.

I have been one-shotting a bit more this year, adding Obscurus and Long Live The King to our list. One is a bit more of a campaign-y thing and tho I will have to miss the next one I will keep my eye on it. Set in a darker, alternate Netherlands it has a bit of the Lex vibe that I have been missing so much. Long Live The King as an exercise in supporting others to unlock their achievements, and I am happy to have participated. While the orga and I have different opionions on orga-, plot- and play-styles they set up a very nice world for the players to populate and scheme in. That made it all work beautifully.

Still, I need an extra event. It needs to be something special, something with an edge. And something I can do alone. Plenty of group activity, but I feel like some solo-ing.

Plans for 2014
- Some more of finding self, and accepting whatever or where-ever I may find myself
- Be happy.

Mon, Dec. 2nd, 2013, 09:46 am

Quite the ride.

As my work project on the KNAW reached its closing phases I fell out of the rhythem I'd had built earlier that year, and subsequently spent some time on vacation and acclimating to my new work at OGD. In the meantime I've also had my share of larps and suddenly it is december.


The great news is that spotting that I was inching towards overtaxing early and concentration on the necessary really pulled me through. It was tough and wasn't too smart to shut down _everything_ but those are good lessons learned and things I can improve.

The long and the short of it - I am pretty happy. I have a few lows here and there, but bounce back easier and manage it better. What I am noticing is that a few of my buffers are still 'off', and I am quicker to show annoyance or speak up. A few unfiltered comments have escaped my head via the way of my mouth and they have not been the most... graceful.

I've been a good measure more 'introverted' most of the time. While I previously experienced it as 'isolated', at he moment my alone state feels like a comfy blanky which I can use to think and be. Dropping the methods that I have trained myself with to be more perceptible for a while had really restored easy acces to a bit of my core personality. It is nice.

That does leave me more 'out of the loop' then normal but I can live with that for the time being. The constant inload of trying to be perceptive 'artificially' takes a lot of brainspace.

December is looking to be quite busy (what else is new), but it is very doable. I managed to stick to "the plan" - the method I use not to overplan and to keep space in the week for spontaneous things, and spend plenty of time with friends and family. And shop strategically, because crowds are still not my thing.

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